HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
