The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
