She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
