ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
