i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have feelings that need drinking.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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