Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
