you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
