U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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