I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
