he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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