I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
