girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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