Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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