We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
