Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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