I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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