I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
