Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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