Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
