remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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