A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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