Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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