I puked a lego.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize