I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
