Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
