i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
