I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
