Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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