I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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