you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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