My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
