I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
