I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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