In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
