I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
