he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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