Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
