That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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