mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
