What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
