Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
