how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
