I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
