Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize