either way he was missing a nipple.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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