Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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