I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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