everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
