i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
