Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
