Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
