Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
