Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
