I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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