peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
