Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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