Come see our sink grown plant.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
